Sedona Beautiful

 My escape from the ugliness of the world. How can you not come out contented?  Such beauty as far as the eye can see.

How Can Love be So Wrong

Walking in the woods last night

it suddenly came to me

My hearts so full of love

something he can't see.

Maybe its time to give up the fight

maybe the love is wrong

All I know is this one thing

how can my heart be wrong

Only you can see past my disaster

the only one who can

Only you can start the laughter

Maybe I was wrong

but how can love be so wrong

I go through my days 

wondering where I fit in

My thoughts think back to him

Wondering if I'm ok and if I ever will be

how can my heart be so full

Yet that love be so wrong

Only you can see past my disaster

the only one who can

Only you can start the laughter

Maybe I was wrong

but how can love be so wrong

how can love be so wrong........

Today in the life of a woman with her own opinion

Cursing is not freedom of speech, tired of hearing it being used in place of actual words that make sense.  

Every time someone posts something that means something to that person, doesn't mean you have to comment and start adding your own scenario in to the post.  Maybe this, maybe that. Maybe that person just relates to the post and it feels good to just share something that may help someone someday.

Not everything is about race, stop making it so.  Sick of it all.  I may lose my shit if someone says "You're white privileged".  "No, you don't know me, or my life".  You don't tell me how I am, I know who I am. I'm a woman. I'm a libertarian. I am a licensed gun owner.  I love my country and flag.  I support law enforcement and my troops. 

Stop canceling my culture, develop your own.  The over-sensitivity to everything is tiresome and useless. How about we worry about Covid? Controlling our borders? or how about we worry about where our children are disappearing to? Huh?  How about that?

Him he, his. She her, hers.  That's it.  How in the heck do you refer to a man or woman as a they?  Grammatically I'm going to lose my mind.  I have transgender child who is just as confused by this as I am. 

It is not chest feeding, only a woman can breastfeed...with her breast. It is not her chest. So dumb.  

Birthing person??? What the heck?  Women give birth to babies. I'm a mother!  As a woman, I gave birth to my babies.  

God, we are all waiting for the return of your Son because this is all getting freaking ridiculous. 

Someone once told me that I’ve been strong for so long, that I don’t even realize how hard my life has been. I wanted to say that I think my life is pretty easy, which I do, but has it really been? Did I just get used to surviving that it became easy? My answer is this. There have been so many blessings in my life that I can’t dwell on how hard my life has been but how many good things have happened along the way.

Is it always like this way with me positive? No, it’s not. Sometimes I want to scream and give up because I’m tired of carrying the burden of everything on my shoulders. But gosh darn it, there’s so much I’m grateful for. If I look back, I should’ve been dead by now. So I am grateful to the man that actually saved my life who is no longer on this earth. So I honor him by living. This was my husband Steve. We fought like cats and dogs and even separated at one point, but I knew he was the one and I miss him terribly.

It has been 15 years this September 30th that he has been gone and I'm tired of being single. I want someone to actually take care of me for once because I am tired.

My Thoughts for Today 9/6/21

There is so much going on in the world that I am starting to wonder if everyone has blinders on.  It feels like so many people are oblivious to the obvious truth, a truth I should not have to utter.  It is scary and hopeful at the same time.  In my opinion, there is so much wrong in how people think nowadays.  There is no respect, cursing is 100% acceptable, showing butts and sexual intimacy on TV and moves is now OK for kids, doing drugs on TV and movies is also acceptable.  

I was shopping at Target one day and I passed by the little girls section and I was appalled.  Being modesty but not a prude, I was dismayed by the clothing being sold to little girls. Crop tops and short shorts was among the many items of clothing.  Never in a million years would I allow my children to dress like that and I sure am not going to let my grandkids dress like that. 

There are movements happening even in our schools around the country, students protesting dress code.  They really have no idea why we have dress code and it is not really what they think.  Growing up poor, I would of loved the opportunity to not be singled out for how poor I was, I would have loved a $5.00 t-shirt.  Not having access to a laundry machine because I had no money during my high school years, I hand washed my clothes.  I was an outcast in my high school days.  The kids that have school shirts now who were like me, are grateful for them.  It is a sense of pride, at least that's how I feel, when I see all the students wearing school shirts around town and at school.  I'm like "Wow, school spirit" but these kids are making it about how they should be allowed to express themselves.  

There are ways to express yourself eloquently and respectfully, school is not for dressing like you're at the beach.  I have seen many students express themselves with the school shirts and it's great.  No one is trying to stifle your creative and self expression.  Very rarely do kids get pulled out of class for non school shirts, it is mostly during passing so it does not really interfere with your education.  Do you know what does?  The complete disrespect when being politely asked to get a school shirt, wear appropriate shorts and pants.  Just do as asked and all will go smooth. It is the questioning of everything is why a student gets into trouble.

As adults we need to set better examples for our children.   I didn't let my children watch in appropriate movies growing up and I always watched that I did not curse in front of them. They had rules and chores and they were not allowed to be disrespectful and talk back.  They were allowed to express their feelings and what was wrong but they had to go to their rooms and calm down first. 

Courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control, idomitable spirit, modesty and faith!

The Heart Knows

The heart knows what the heart wants but the universe has other plans for you...welcome to my life lol Yet, I can live with the fact that I am content in my life and I do not have to live a lie. I do not know how some people live like that, fully unable to love someone else but still have them in their lives.

Growth

Taking the trip to Wyoming did more for me than I realized. I feel like I went through a spiritual growth.  My eyes were opened up to the beautiful wonders that I saw and I felt the presence of God.  Before I got there, I felt despair and a lack of motivation. Now, I feel like I’ve been given another chance.  More than ever I want to be the difference that I want in my life.  I’m grateful. 

Day 4 Saying Goodbye and Back on the Road

Our last day in Wyoming and I was going to stay another night but there were no rooms available, place fills up quickly I guess.  We met the guys at the Million Dollar Cowboy Bar in the alley to help them unload equipment.  We said our goodbyes and headed back out on the road.  

The drive back to Salt Lake City, Utah seemed quicker.  We got back to the same Comfort Inn Suites and settled in for the night.  The next day we got up, left at 7am and headed back home. Nothing eventful happened but I sure will miss the guys, hope they have a great gig the rest of the week!  

Day 3 Jackson Hole, Wyoming

Today was the day that we had our photo shoot with the Mickey Utley Band.  It wasn't until the afternoon so we had some time to kill.  Tried to grab a Starbucks, no way that was happening.  With that many people in such a small town, the line was out the door. So we went to the Cowboy Coffee Shop, great coffee but I left my good water jug there.  Sad face.  

Went back to the car to clean it up a bit, finish our muffin and coffee before heading back to the room. We kind of tinkered around for awhile before heading out to the campground to meet the guys.   We stopped at a studio to get our old fashioned pictures done. Johnna and I were saloon girls, quite the experience though. It was fun but I'm not so sure I could do it again.  We went back to our hostel to try and take a nap, which was good since we knew we would be busy.

Their campground was absolutely beautiful. We drove through a tree lined dirt road with twinkling lights hanging on either side.  On each side were these cute cabins that you could rent, one day I will do that.  We get to the campsite and had an amazing shoot with the Mickey Utley Band.  Not quite content to stay there, we piled in my car while Lee rode his motorcycle. Let me tell you about my little car first, three grown men in the back of a Hyundai Accent, it was quite funny seeing them all crunched in the back lol

We pulled over to the side of the road to a beautiful scene complete with a mountain in the background, tree and a small river.  Perfect place to finish our shoot!  The shoot went amazing and all I wanted to do was edit these images.

We get done with the shoot and head back to camp.  Now this next part is even funnier, but you had to be there.  There were 3 grown men in the back seat and myself because Sammy was driving and we wanted to all go eat at the place called Streetfood at the Stagecoat.  Talk about uncomfortable but we did it and made it to our destination, and Lee was on his motorcycle. Not gonna lie though, when I first saw his motorcycle I thought it was part of the campgrounds antique looking feeling. lol

The Streetfood at the Stagecoach was amazing and comfortable.  The outside grass area had picnic tables and people were everywhere.  They had dogs, friends and were eating and hanging out. We get inside and order our dinners and it finally arrived, never had such good food in my life.  We finished up dinner and on the way back saw a group of people staring at the biggest moose I have ever seen, awesome to see.

We dropped off the guys and went back to our room for the night.  A great 3rd day!

On The Road Day 2 - June 29th

Waking up at the Comfort Inn Suites the next day was refreshing. We slept in a little bit before grabbing some breakfast items and coffee.  Stopped at Starbucks for more coffee because you know me, coffee snob.  Just was happy to put Salt Lake City behind us.

The drive we had ahead of us was only about 4 hours and 45 minutes long, easy compared to the almost 8 hours the day before.  The drive through Utah, Idaho and finally Wyoming was absolutely breathtaking. I could not believe it was real.  It was so beautiful that I had to turn off the radio because I did not want the music to tarnish the creation that was laid out before my eyes.  Surely it wasn't real, God definitely put his imprint on the land there.  The whole ride all we could do was sigh and comment on the beauty around us. On the way we did find a group of goats hanging out in someone's front yard and a beautiful little deer drinking out of a stream.  

Getting into Jackson Hole, Wyoming was another story.  I have never seen such a tiny town filled with so many people.  It was absolutely adorable the town though so I was super excited to get checked in, cleaned up so we could explore and meet up with Mickey and the band. 

We checked in at the Anvil Hotel to get to our Hostel, The Cache House.  The hardest part was finding a parking spot and we ended up finding one around the block.  We unloaded what we could carry and walked to our Hostel and stepped inside.  What a different experience this was but I was excited to start our adventure.   

The commons room had sofas, tables and chairs for everyone to linger around to either work on your laptop, read, play games or just  hang out.  Down the hall and immediately to the right was the bathroom area.  The bathrooms were numbered to match our Bunk, which was 10.  We had a queen bed on the top bunk and our bathroom number was 10; our locker number was 10 as well.   It was definitely inconvenient for me since I had so much photography gear with me but none-the-less, exciting as well. 

We settled in and showered and got dressed to go walk around town.  It was so darned adorable.  I took some macro shots of some beautiful flowers.  We ended up going to the Million Dollar Cowboy Bar first to grab some dinner, which was amazing, and then we moved to wait for the guys to show up.  I was never so excited to see someone as I was them.  OMG, it felt like an eternity that I saw them.  As usual, our greeting were met with hugs and happiness.  After all, I consider them brothers, friends.  

They started their performance at 8:15pm and went until 12:15pm.  The place was jam packed with people dancing, hanging out and enjoying the performance. In between pictures and videos, I did my fair share of dancing. Most people who have gone out with me know how much I love to dance.  

We helped the guys load the bus after their performance, said our good nights and walked back to our Hostel.  We could not find it at first lol.  As I'm crossing the street because we found our way, I had to take off my cowboy boys because my feet hurt.  This cute, drunk girl across the street offers me her shoes and yells "It doesn't cost anything to love someone"  Love it.  This was at 1:30am in the middle of town, and I was drunk myself but not so much that I could not appreciate this.  

Trying not to giggle, we got to our room and went to bed. Me, I went to bed in my jeans and shirt. lol

On the Road June 28th

On June 28 we left for our trip to Jackson Hole, Wyoming.  The drive became beautiful once we hit Mesquite, Nevada.  What seemed crazy to me was that we started in Arizona, went through Nevada and then hit Arizona again before crossing to Utah.    Beautiful terrain it was so I am so grateful to have been able to see it.  

We got to Salt Lake City, Motel 6 to check in.   This motel was located in center of Salt Lake City, Utah.  When we pulled into the driveway we noticed the chain link fence around it.  I thought it was weird at first but I didn't want to seem a snob or lose out on my $70.00.  Since we were there, I didn't think I was allowed to cancel. So we went in and checked in.  Everyone seemed very nice, I paid my $70.00 cash.  I wanted to not use a credit card there since it was kind of sketchy.

We walked into the room and I was disgusted.  By the trash can there looked to be a urine stain on the wall, and it certainly smelled like it.  The bed was only a full and the bedspread was stained, ripped and had cigarette burn holes in it.  The whole room just reeked and the bathroom no better.  Ok, I have a blanket so we sprayed the mattress and area with bed bug spray just in case.  Still didn't want to be a snob so we decided to go shopping at Kohl's.

Got to Kohl's and I could not focus on shopping, the more I thought about that place the more I felt anxious.  We left Kohl's and I contacted Hotels.com to see if I could cancel. I did but when I got to the Motel to give the guy back his keys, he did not return my money.  What the hell?  Ugh.  So as we are backing up to leave I told Johnna to get some video or pictures of the homeless encampment against he fence.   As we are driving to the right of us is a pimp and prostitute, no mistaking that. She was a bit heated and then handed him some money.  I'm like "OMG" and as I came full circle to the right of us was a guy leaning against the wall smoking something.  What the actual Hell?

We got out of their fast and on our way out I made a wrong turn and ended up going around the block, wall-to-wall homeless people and tents lined the sidewalk.  Then we saw some of the people in the hotel mingling with the people on the streets. No judgement on my part, but the whole prostitution and drug activity going on, we hightailed it out of there.

We drove until we saw a sign for Comfort Inn Suites.  I got out to see if they had a room, told the girl my story and we got our room. She must have felt badly for us because when we opened the door to our room, it was a suite.  We got settled in and went out for Chinese Food!

All in all, it was an eventful first day.

3 Years Ago

Sometimes doing what is best for you hurts others. Sometimes ending a relationship with someone you care about because you know it’s going nowhere is hard. It was on my list of one of the hardest things I’ve done. I would rather end something that’s going nowhere so I can find the one that will be there for me.  This too shall pass...to all of you staying with someone because you’re afraid of being alone, afraid of starting over even knowing it’s not right for you....don’t be afraid.  Follow your gut instinct.

So Much Bashing

It is sometimes hard for me to keep my mouth shut on Facebook because of all the bashing going on.  Facebook is a platform to be social, share pictures and fun videos.  For the past year, it has turned into a bash fest.

If you don't get the Covid shot you are putting others in danger and a selfish, inconsiderate human being. If you get the shot, you're a follower, a sheep and you are putting yourself at risk from complications.  I say, who are we to tell others what to do? It is a personal choice. I have never gotten the flu shot, as of now I never will.  There have been rumors that the shot does not protect you from getting Covid so there lies my problem.  The same goes for the flu shot, it does not protect you from the flu.  You know what will though? How about your immune system?

Everyone is an expert in the medical field.  What I just said above about a immune system is my opinion but that opinion has worked for me for years. Just tired of all the judgmental and mean treatment people are giving each other now. It is disheartening.

Happy Birthday Girls

 Happy birthday Mollie and Rylie

Prayer Shared with me on Social Media

 This interesting prayer was given in Kansas, USA, at the opening session of their Senate.

It seems prayer still upsets some people.

When Minister Joe Wright was asked to open the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting the usual generalities,

but this is what they heard:

"Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says: "Woe to those who call evil good", but that is exactly what we have done.

* We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.

* We have ridiculed the absolute truth of Your Word and called it Pluralism.

* We have worshipped other gods and called it multiculturalism.

* We have endorsed perversion and called it alternative lifestyle.

* We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.

* We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.

* We have killed our unborn and called it choice.

* We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.

* We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem.

* We have abused power and called it politics.

* We have embezzled public funds and called it essential expenses.

* We have insitutionalised bribery and called it sweets of office.

* We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition.

*We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression.

* We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us, Oh GOD, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Amen!"

The response was immediate. A number of legislators walked out during the prayer in protest.

Monday Morning Findings

A friend of mine posted about Juneteenth and how the Republicans freed the slaves. Here is some of the things I found out, but I think I need to head to a library with history books in hand.

The Democratic Party in the first half of the 19th century largely represented agrarian economic interests and a small federal government. In the south this meant supporting slavery. In 1860 the party split along regional lines. The Republican Party replaced the Whigs in the 1850s as a party favoring free labor, a strong federal government and urban industrial development. This included tariffs to protect the young American industries from from more advanced foreign, particularly British, competition. This was directly contrary to the interests of the south in particular.

The two parties evolved considerably after the war and the Democrats eventually became a coalition of the urban north and the south. The “solid South” that reliably voted Democratic in national and state wide politics lasted from the Reconstruction down to the 1960. This started to unravel as the national Democratic Party became more attuned to black interests and promoting integration, and Truman’s order to desegregate the military in 1948 helped split the party. In 1964 with Johnson championing civil rights legislation there were disputes over setting party delegations elected to the Democratic convention on a whites only basis, and in the election Johnson lost the traditionally Democratic strongholds of Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia and South Carolina. In 1968 the Republicans actively pursued what was called the Souther Strategy of appealing to white southern voters and this has continued since then.

It must be understood that in 1859–60, “against slavery” meant being against the EXPANSION of slavery into new states & territories. Both parties understood that slavery was protected in the Constitution, in the states where it already existed. Southerners wanted to admit new slave states to the Union; the “anti-slavery” party wanted to admit only free states to the Union.

Yes, there were Abolitionists. But they were not in the majority, even in the Republican party. They were always impatient with Lincoln for being such a damned incrementalist. Abolition was a tough sell in some states, even as late as 1865.

Lincoln & the Republicans only changed from their anti-expansion stance, to their abolition stance, during the Civil War itself. Three things combined to make that happen:

1. It became clear that slaves were an important part of the Southern war effort.
2. Many, many slaves freed themselves and come over into Northern lines, and the Union needed a coherent policy toward them.
3. The war became catastrophic enough, that they wanted to remove its “spark”, prevent it from ever happening again.

The Republican party of 1860 emerged from the ashes of the Whig party, which split into pre-expansion and anti-expansion factions. Wikipedia has this:After 1850, the Whigs were unable to deal with the slavery issue. Their Southern leaders nearly all owned slaves. The northeastern Whigs, led by Daniel Webster, represented businessmen who loved national unity and a national market, but cared little about slavery one way or another. However, many Whig voters in the North thought that slavery was incompatible with a free labor, free market economy and supported the Wilmot Proviso, which did not pass Congress, but would have stopped the expansion of slavery. No one found a compromise that would keep the party united.
…
In 1854, the Kansas–Nebraska Act, which opened the new territories to slavery, was passed. Southern Whigs generally supported the Act while Northern Whigs remained strongly opposed. Most remaining Northern Whigs, like Lincoln, joined the new Republican Party and strongly attacked the Act, appealing to widespread Northern outrage over the repeal of the Missouri Compromise.

That North-South split between the Republican & Democrat centers of gravity persisted for nearly a hundred years. Republicans were primarily the party or Northern moderate businessmen. Southern “Dixiecrats” were fervently racist, supporting segregation and Jim Crow laws.

This all shifted with surprising suddenness, in the late-1950s and the 60s. Southern politicians like Strom Thurmond & Jesse Helms switched parties, from Democrat to Republican. The Democratic party nominated a Northern liberal, JFK, to the presidency. JFK & RFK advocated for civil rights; after JFK’s murder, LBJ pushed the Civil Rights Act of 1964 thru Congress. LBJ observed that because of the act, “we might lose the South” – and they did. Five Southern stats swung Republican in 1964. In 1968 the Republican party adopted a Southern strategy - Wikipedia ; and the South became a stronghold of the Republican Party.

In 2005, Republican Natl Committee chairman Ken Mehlman addressed the NAACP natl convention in Milwaukee, and said:

"By the '70s and into the '80s and '90s, the Democratic Party solidified its gains in the African American community, and we Republicans did not effectively reach out," Mehlman says in his prepared text. "Some Republicans gave up on winning the African American vote, looking the other way or trying to benefit politically from racial polarization. I am here today as the Republican chairman to tell you we were wrong."

It’s surprising how many major shifts in American politics, have their roots in race issues.

The thing is, we have endured this in the past and there are no modern day slaves specifically targeting the black communities.  Society today is so interested in wiping out history because it is in the past, only they don't want to wipe this piece of history out because it benefits them.  Sigh!

Saturday Morning Coffee and Picture 6/19/21

As I was getting ready to head out today for an 80th birthday party, I scrolled through my social media to see who has unfriended me.  It used to bother me but I realized that these people don't want to be a part of my life, so just let it go.   It is also possible that I share a different belief system than they do.  So I started thinking, maybe I am wrong?  Maybe I am that blinded to the truth they are putting out because seriously, how can a person be that blindsided by the obvious?   That thought quickly vanished because I am not easily blinded. I used to be but I started delving into myself and started observing and listening.  With that thought, I am now OK with people leaving my social media.  They do not have any place in my life anyhow so I am OK with that. So, when you start to feel like you're doing something, or saying something wrong, don't fret. It is just the universes way of clearing out what is not good for your soul.

It's Hot Outside

Living in Arizona you know that you are going to go through extreme weather conditions from cold to hot, this year is no different.  Everyone complains about the weather, myself included, but it is the same every year and we just need to deal with it.  So, what are some of the things you can do while its hot?  Let's get started.

Outside:  Go to the river or lake if you are near one or set up a little wading pool in your backyard and enjoy some beers or soda. How about giving your animals a bath, except your cats of course.

Inside:  How about y'all clean the house?  You're stuck inside so may as well make it pretty.

Creatives:  Work on a scrapbook.  Do some mini-photography sessions with your phone of your animals.  Write some emails, no one does that anymore.  Write poetry or songs.  Rearrange a room.  Cook a summer dish that you've been wanting to try.  BBQ some chicken for chicken salad.  

There is so much to do so let's get to it!

Say No to Facebook

Say No to Facebook on your phone, that includes messenger. I did this just the other day and I had no idea the amount of freedom it would give me.  We all spend so much time on Facebook scrolling, liking and commenting that we are missing out on life.  Part of my depression stemmed from Facebook and all the posts.  

Everyone is an expert in everything now.  All those keyboard warriors out there spouting their words, complaints and injustices.  In my opinion, it absolutely does nothing.  I spent so much time on there that the last few days, I have had trouble breaking away from my phone and still do but I know eventually, I will break free.  

Now I am going back to old school of texting, phone calls and emails.  I do not need instant access to everything, I need something to look forward to. We all need something to look forward to.  Being on Facebook every, single moment of the day will not increase your business or friends, it does nothing.  For me and my business, I know the right times to post so that is all I will be doing from here on in.  My well-being is more important to me, not Facebook and all its unnecessary content.

 Did his High School Senior Portraits, and then his College Portraits. So very proud of this accomplishments!

Have Faith

Have Faith, I have been hearing that a lot lately.  The time has come for us to not be afraid of persecution for our beliefs.   We have the right to speak freely without persecution from those who try to use fear as a weapon to keep us silent.

So tired of people saying that if you carry a gun, believe in the constitution, our flag, military and law enforcement, then I am part of the problem.  The problem people is that its not that we aren't free, but they want to take it from us under the guise of "democratic socialism", which is basically communism waiting to happen.

There is a war but it will be waged on morals and on technology.  Be prepared and have Faith the God wins. 

January 5, 2021

Went back to work yesterday and I was extremely grateful for that, but it was just sad without the kids there.  I understand the Covid is real but I am so sick and tired of it.    Sick of our Government and all the know-it-alls of the world.  More now than ever, I would love to just go buy myself a little cabin somewhere away from people and live of the land. Then I could photograph all the nature an scenery that I want to.  It's like sometimes I'm walking around in someone else's life and all I want to do is go someplace where people are kind to each other.   

Then the challenges of each day, well it is what it is. My daughter's and grandchildren are why I can move about each day with expectations that good will happen; they are my life.  

It is Tuesday, I am ready for the day and please be kind. 

2021 - Day 3

 Woke up this morning with a sense of hope, as I do every morning.   Yesterday not so much, all I could think about was life and how much I miss the old one.  Not to say Covid isn't real, and I know people who have lost someone, but the numbers I seriously believe are not accurate.  It just eats at me each day and if I try to post my thoughts on the subject on Facebook, the "medical experts" are all over me. Since when did everyone become an expert and believe everything that is fed to them?  We really have become a society of sheep.  Hitler used the techniques I am seeing now on the Jews in Germany and it is very disconcerting.  Yet, I firmly believe in God's plan and will have faith.  Everything does happen for a reason does it not?

New Year's Day 2021

My New Year was pretty chill, I rang it in by myself watching Netflix.  This year I just wasn't in the mood to do any socializing and with pretty good reason....2020 sucked.  It sucked but it also made me appreciate all that I used to do and had.  So here's to 2021, don't mess with me.