1 Month

Tomorrow will be one month since my last kid moved out.  Now, I've had to figure out where I fit in the world and how to make my home a home again, even without kids.   I've never been a fan of big life changes all at once but it always seems to happen to me.  Trying to be grateful because I really am, just sometimes I tend to wallow a little bit in my own self pity. I am after all, human.

My time with the Mickey Utley Band came to an end and that was a huge part of what I would look forward to each year and for awhile, it was a couple times a year.  I learned so much working for them and my confidence grew.  So grateful for that experience.

Now, I feel like I'm in a rut, stale.  My creativity has taken a nose dive and from time-to-time this does happen to creatives.  This one has really got me down so it's time to put my thinking cap on this weekend and figure out how I can get going again, fast and furious.

Sunday I sat down and read the bible for 30 minutes. I used a timer as I wanted motivation so stay focused, it was a lot easier than I expected. I am looking forward to reading some more tonight.  

Well, I am off.  I hope you all can relate!

No One Tells You

No one tells you that when you have kids that you will worry about them more when they no longer live with you.

No one tells you that when your kids move out of the town you are in, and the others move in different directions, that you will give up your social life to visit them.

No one tells you that when your kids have kids and they move away, you will be more heartbroken had your child just moved away.

No one tells you they grown up too fast and that when they start their lives you are both proud and so sad!

Curl up in to a ball and hide away

I know that everyone get's to that point in their lives when even having people around them is too much.  What about someone with ADHD?  No one seems to be able to get the signs that is associated with someone with ADHD.

We don't want to be hugged unless we ask for it.  Time away from people to unravel is what we need.  It is hard enough to entertain ourselves let alone someone else who is always around us.  Entering our space, you must be invited.  If we get visibly upset over something small and you come up into our space, it makes us even more anxious.  We need a lot of time alone.  Don't take it personal.  

Right now, I'm in flight mode.....

 I hope that everyone had a blessed Christmas.  Jesus is the reason for the 

season, even though I believe he would not mind us celebrating him some 

other way. 

2024

December 2024

My middle child moved out and I miss her more than life itself.  Six hours away may as well be 20 hours away right now. Sigh*** I know they have to grow up and move on.  It has been and adjustment getting used to living alone but I love it and for the first time ever, I no longer want anyone in my life to live with.  The change has been good for me I think.  My youngest daughter at least came home for one day at Christmas and her sheer presence brought me immense joy. 

How do you tell someone that when they hug you it causes you extreme anxiety?  I don't like being touched or hugged.  Only my kids and my husband got that pleasure, and very few close friends.  I'm so uncomfortable in my own home, I can't stand it. I want to curl up into a little ball and escape my own place.  Has nothing to do with not liking a person but its someone I hardly know, they haven't been around enough physically in my life for me to develop that comfort level of needing to be hugged.  Its so hard right now that I want to cry.

November

 Well, in November Trump won the Presidency, thank Goodness, but now people are saying he is the Anti-Christ.  Well, impossible people.  I'm still learning a lot about the Bible and how to decipher passages but I will learn.  From what I understand, the Anti-Christ is created and not by God. I could be wrong, but this is what I've gotten from some research.  

Look at all the immorality that has fallen under the Democratic rule the last 4 years.  Just Wow!   Open up your eyes people, all is not how it seems.  Don't be blind!

Let's Give y'all an Update

My dad died in May, had to put my dog to sleep the day after my dad died and that totally sucked as well.  My daughter Samantha got sick in May and thank God I took her in, she may not be here today had I not.  My Aunt died a week after my daughter got out of the hospital. My beloved Aunt Mary, the only sanity in my insane world of trauma, loss and happy times.  The one woman who kept me going when I wanted to give up.  Suffered depression for months after and I can see a glimmer of hope in the distance.

My daughter Megan is moving out and going 6 hours away from me in Arizona and I am so very sad. This is the first time I will be alone. So tired of being alone, Steve died 18 years ago...come on, when is it my turn?

Tired of the Democrats in office, they fucked this country up big time.  Hoping on November 5th, 2024, America get's it right. You may not like Trump but at least he's for the people and not against them.